Gold Parts

by Cristina Bautista

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1.
I think that five or maybe six years have come since you first challenged me* inside a mostly empty auditorium the same one where you'd ask if I caught who did catch the shrapnel from your telecaster and I think before a word escapes about my two heartbreaks in silverlake where only you could be the one who reminded me of limitless expanding possibilities and in the car my mother said to me I know who you should marry You're my champion You catch me when I'm falling down I never said so 'til just now but you're my champion I was hysterical laughing as they grabbed for shards and broken strings All I could say was You are Thurston Moore: You'll look fourteen until you're fifty-four and you said We should all be so lucky but I'm already so lucky 'cause you're You're my champion You catch me when i'm falling down I never thanked you 'til just now but you're my champion On Sixth and West Twentieth I pressed my face into your chest You don't know it yet, but I wished you so much better than the best And the time you saw me at that bar out on Los Feliz Boulevard when I said greatness I meant the greatest 'cause you're You're my champion You catch me when I'm falling down I never said so 'til just now but you're my champion So I guess that brings us finally to the answer for which you've been waiting I think I think it was those girls from Snohomish and Rosa and Stacy
2.
I wasn't even awake yet thinking, God, I'll never get my sorry self back to sleep I felt you shifting out from underneath the bedsheets Tesco picnics in the park alone all your week spent on the farm, I know you've been so busy The coincidence kills me I don't think I will but if I ever see your face again I wouldn't recognize you I never knew you to begin To begin with were you counting on the options? Cursed with your own indecision curious concoctions: short stints and long divisions I wasn't even shaking malnourished in the rain while at the station strangers cuddled just to stay dry Did you call me? Maybe once, not twice but you enthralled me for a comically short time and for a minute I was so convinced I was so, so convinced I don't think I will but if I ever hear your voice again I'll hold my own in I never knew you to begin To begin with were you counting on the options? Cursed with your own indecision curious concoctions: short stints and long divisions Just so you know by the time the train left paris three girls and I, in a sleeper carriage, nodded off So, were you counting on the options?
3.
You must think that I'm an idiot or wish that we had never met when once I'd come when called and now I fall and all you have to do is ask for fact a foreign notion sculpted into scripted motions diplomatic, so reserved and automatically absurd Selfishness, it takes on many forms but out of self-respect I don't want you anymore I let you get away, it's so and kept the parts that didn't go: the open sores, the gaping wounds the hopes you never lived up to So now I send them back through Sovtek tubes and Marshall stacks Let them serve as solid proof: I never took more than I did deserve from you Selfishness, it takes on many forms but out of self-respect I don't want you anymore I don't want to anymore I don't want you anymore
4.
03:50
This world is far too large for our little hearts to handle and in the grand whole scheme of things the radar will hardly blip or blink if you can't can't stand to love me You can't can't stand to love me if you can't can't stand to fall in love with me it's not because you're heartless It's not because you're not heartless, let's be honest with ourselves When you look at me you don't see the possibilities I sell when from the infinite you've claimed your little piece It keeps you busy enough that you don't need to want what was never missing You won't miss me, let's not evade reality If there was never a void there was never a void that needed filling It's not because you're heartless It's not because I've seen inside that chest of yours the guarded, padlocked dresser drawers where you hide just enough just to get by and you tell outsiders that you're cold and dead inside so no one knows you're more than you let on You're more human than you'll let yourself let on It's not because you're heartless and it breaks my heart to know it 'cause I know that you're not heartless It's not because you're heartless
5.
You wake and wait for light to frame the spectacle of day The world's your oyster you ease it open and then you pillage and rape leaving in your wake the spoiled shells widespread barren, shaken from their soiled and empty beds You have traveled far and wide caressing the depths of every tide and still there's nothing that you find to keep you occupied You'll never be satisfied Swim farther down Look harder Drown One by one, as you exhaust the seas you are not conquering The overindulgent prince is little more than just the son of the king Inheritance is not entitlement to inflict suffering Swim farther down Look harder Drown Is this what you want? Am I what you've been searching for? Am I what you want? Am I what you've been searching for 'cause I'm yours As they make their way up to the shore their mouths move They call out to you I'm yours Tired and pearlescent blue they have not forgotten you I'm yours
6.
05:25
He was a gentleman I was too young to understand motions so meaningless gestures just part of the jest Bared myself every time he sank his skin into mine with the physical force of a body divorced from the angels and demons inside Still I'm so inclined to sacrifice all my unlaid plans to find a trace of the lies Lies that shape my paradise A shock knocking at my door was more than I could afford Uncalloused and convinced Desperate for decadence Holding his hand to hide my tried innocence terrified of losing its grip on the tides of my hip as his slippery lips spit their goodbye Still I'm so inclined to sacrifice all my unlaid plans to find a trace of the lies Lies that shape my paradise What's it worth? Utopia What's it worth? He was a gentleman but I surrendered something genuine and I did it wholehearted over and over again and again

about

Cristina Bautista's Gold Parts EP, Local 638 Records

credits

released September 6, 2011

These songs were written by Cristina Bautista, recorded at the House of Breaking Glass in Seattle, WA with Phillip Peterson and Matt Clifford, then mixed and mastered at the Hitch Factory in Detroit, MI by Ben Collins.

All sounds were made or played by Cristina Bautista (voice, guitar, piano), Matt Clifford (organ, mandolin), Ben Collins (drums), Eric Howk (guitar, mandolin, organ, drums), Kirk Huffman (drums), Garrett Lunceford (drums), Robin Marsh (voice), Kyle O'Quin (piano, organ, drums), Robert Parker (horns), Victoria Parker (violin) and Phillip Peterson (bass, cello, git-cello, horns)

The photograph of Cristina was captured by Augustine Magdalene.

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about

Cristina Bautista Seattle, Washington

Some people pull themselves together so quietly no one realizes there was any falling apart to begin with.

I'm certainly not about to do that.

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